How To Be A Well-Fucked Woman

Start with yourself.

Pleasure taught me more about who I am than any amount of discipline or sacrifice or self-improvement ever did.

It taught me how to be still.

How to be greedy.

How to want something and not apologize for wanting it.

How to stay in a feeling long enough to actually feel it instead of rushing through to the part where I could ask if he was okay.

And here's the thing that's going to sound counterintuitive but I need you to sit with it.

The more selfish I became in bed the more people lost their minds over me.

So start with you.

Always alone first.

Because what you discover in private becomes what you demand in company

Your only job is to notice.

Where do you hold tension you didn't know was there.

Where does touch feel like nothing.

Where does it feel like everything.

Where are you numb and why.

Because numbness is not absence.

Numbness is a place that gave up waiting to be found.

You have been walking around with this extraordinary instrument inside you and the world handed you a triangle of sensation and called it enough.

It is not enough.

So be selfish.

As a woman, being selfish in bed does not mean indifferent to your partner.

It means your pleasure is not negotiable.

It means you are not available to have a mediocre experience out of politeness.

It means you show up for yourself so completely that your partner has no choice but to show up too because your energy demands it.

A woman who is truly in her pleasure chasing it unashamedly, taking what she needs, so absorbed in her own sensation that she has temporarily forgotten to perform that woman is the most erotic thing a human being can witness.

Because she's free.

And freedom is contagious.

Your lover will feel it and something in them will unlock too. They will go places they didn't know they could go because you gave them permission by going there first.

The goal is not to be the most technically impressive.

It's to be the most unapologetically alive in your own skin that whoever is with you feels for the first time what it is to be truly met.

That's what a well-fucked woman does.

Stop narrating yourself during sex.

That voice that says do I look okay and is this taking too

long and what does my stomach look like from this angle

that voice is not protecting you.

It's robbing you.

Every time you catch it mid-sex, acknowledge it and drop back into sensation.

It takes practice.

Start practicing.

Decide today that your pleasure matters.

Not when you lose the weight. Not when the kids are older. Not when things calm down.

Now this is not a feeling you wait to arrive at. It's a decision you make and then make again every day until it becomes the only thing that makes sense.

Practice saying what you want out loud.

In restaurants. In conversations. In decisions.

Say the actual thing you want without softening it first.

This is harder than it sounds for most women because they have been rewarded their whole lives for managing other people's comfort above their own preferences.

Start small.

Build the muscle. By the time you bring it into the bedroom it will feel natural because you've already been practicing everywhere else.

Stay curious. Stay open.

The best sexual experience you've ever had should always be the next one because you keep evolving and your body keeps having more to discover.

Bring that curiosity every single time.